Custom Togii “Asphyxiating First Love”

Read on Renta!:
Asphyxiating First Love by Custom Togii

Japanese title:
Hatsukoi ni Aegu
初恋にあえぐ

Links:
Custom Togii (Twitter)
moment (publisher)
ShuCream BL (EN)

It is the era of 純情ビッチ!
Well. Not really. It’s just always the era of 純情ビッチ in my heart.

For those who don’t know, 純情ビッチ (junjou bitch) or “pure-hearted slut” is a BL trope that has always existed, but has been on the rise in recent years. You can see this trope in the form of characters like Nao from Hotaru Dies Tomorrow, or Hajime from Junjou de Nani ga Warui, or Haru from Kabukicho Cat Honey—the most important factor is that they’re actually quite innocent and pure-hearted in terms of emotional love, but are either mistaken for being promiscuous, or just see no issue with sleeping around or otherwise using their body while secretly wishing for true love to come their way. Personally, this is one of my favorite tropes because it’s a really easy way for a story to contain pure, sweet, innocent love with lots of really raunchy ero scenes (hehehe), so I get excited every time I find a BL manga that has this premise.

Thankfully, Custom Togii’s Asphyxiating First Love is one such BL manga. I was tasked with proofreading a single chapter for Sou since they were drowning in other deadlines, and I got so into it that I ended up proofreading the entire series in one go, other deadlines be damned. You’re welcome, Sou.

The story revolves around Yuki, a beautiful man who’s so hung up on his first love that it’s all he looks for in a one-night stand: they must remind him in some way of this man from his past. While Yuki’s incredibly skilled in the art of seduction, he’s never willing to let these men in emotionally or mentally once they’re caught in his snare. One night, after pissing off a man he was trying to pick up based just on his glasses, Yuki’s saved from being hit by an incredibly handsome stranger named Jin.

While Yuki initially thinks he hit the jackpot—hot, suave, and looks just like his first love—Jin isn’t biting. Even after Yuki’s followed him home, Jin refuses his advances, nagging Yuki to not only treasure himself more, but to also be more respectful toward his first love—to stop tarnishing the past by sleeping around with a bunch of men. Yuki snaps that Jin can only say that because romance probably always goes well for someone as handsome as him, but it turns out Jin has also spent his entire life yearning for a man from his past.

When he turns to leave, however, Yuki notices it—the scar on Jin’s neck. It’s in the exact same place as the scar his first love had. There’s no way Jin could actually be the Jin Kubono Yuki’s been desperate to reunite with, right?

Because of this, Yuki starts getting close to Jin, and for the first time he finds what it’s like to experience emotional intimacy before just jumping right into bed with someone. Yuki isn’t used to the idea of sex with feelings attached. But as Jin slowly starts to fall for him, too, they’re forced to face just how complicated the situation is. Jin feels guilt for slowly falling in love with Yuki when he was previously in love with someone else for so long, and how is Yuki supposed to tell Jin he’s the “Toma” Jin used to be friends with in childhood?

I think one of my favorite parts of the junjou bitch trope is that it takes a character—Yuki, in this case—who previously saw themselves as incredibly hard and jaded, and reminds them that there’s a part of them that’s still pure, still innocent and craving love and intimacy. It was so cute seeing Yuki go from someone with a wall up, who constantly tried to be a hardass, to someone who just couldn’t hide his emotions whenever Jin was around. Jin throws him off his game constantly, to the point where he’s clearly not sure how to handle him. He can’t seduce Jin, and he can’t tell Jin off, but he can’t seem to escape Jin either—with those three options out the window, what can Yuki do?

This ones a treat for anyone who loves the “reunited” trope. Jin and Yuki continue to fall in love with each other no matter how much time and distance has separated them, and no matter how much trauma they’ve dealt with in the process. It was also really beautiful how being reunited again finally inspired them to both work through their past trauma—even if, at the time, they didn’t realize that’s what was happening.

Another thing I have to mention is that I love the way Custom Togii draws their anatomy and posing during sex scenes. In the second chapter there’s a scene where Yuki is straddling Jin while fingering himself, and it’s honestly just artistically beautiful and fits the story so well—it captures the desperation and yearning as Yuki wishes Jin would just choose him, love him, fuck him, while Jin tries his damnedest to hold back while being straddled by this stunning, sensual man he’s found himself intensely drawn to. For Yuki, sex is the only way he’s ever understood to entice others, so Jin refusing to fuck him while still lovingly and teasingly caressing his shoulders and back and arms the whole time is just /CHEF’S KISS. The yearning and intimacy in that scene is off the charts.

In general, Custom Togii’s art is really expressive and fun. I love all the faces they have Yuki make—they really emphasize how much he’s been keeping his true feelings bottled up, and how much more expressive he becomes when he’s around Jin.

There’s a lot more drama in this one than in my usual recommendations, if that’s what you’re into. Jin used to be a high-level athlete before hurting himself, so there’s also a mini plot about him coming to terms with his injury and with having to start over years later. I also can’t help but feel like Jin being associated with track and running seems to be a metaphor for the fact that both Jin and Yuki spent much of their late teens all the way into their adult lives running away from their feelings—even though on the surface them being so hung up on their first loves makes it feel like they cherished those feelings and the person behind them. Yuki escaped through sex, becoming emotionally closed off to the people around him, while Jin escaped through an unfulfilling job he exhausted himself working.

This one’s definitely another emotional romp, but if you’ve been reading the BLog for a while, you know me—I’m not gonna recommend a manga that doesn’t end on a happy note. So just know that Jin and Yuki are able to work their way through all their past regrets. How that goes down, though, I’ll leave it to you to find out for yourselves.